Cambria Leann

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Day off.

What do you do on your day off?

Drive to your old young women's leader and surprise her.

Spend hours talking, and even prank call a boy!

Make delicious cupcakes. Chocolate, chocolate moose inside, with chocolate frosting.

Eat a delicious sandwich with homegrown tomatoes from her back yard.

What a day. =)

I miss Lazona ward.

Growing up

Little essay for school

Growing up

“You’re ready to go, I am going to call the doctor,” said my caring nurse. “She’ll be here in no time and if you have any questions feel free to ask,” was the kind words she spoke to me. As time was going by waiting for my doctor to arrive, my thoughts raced back to the events of the last year and what landed me in this position. I had gotten my life together, and making bad decisions wasn’t in my mind set. But poor choices landed me pregnant, alone, and with choices to make. But those thoughts didn’t interest me all too much. I was really interested in meeting my sweet angel, and spending time with her before she was placed for adoption.
The room is nineties themed, lights are dimmed, and spot lights ready to welcome the little angel in. The doctor walks in unprepared, uncertain this was the time, only to find it was sure time for her to come. After a quick change, the doctor walks in ready, dressed in green with booties. With my sisters on each side, we welcomed in to the world a little baby girl. “Congratulations you did it,” said the doctor.
They laid her in my arms, and my heart just melted. The scared, crying girl, with eyes of uncertainty stared straight into mine. “Baby, it’s going to be ok,” was all I could mutter out. I was also too full of uncertainty. But along with that uncertainty, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love towards this little girl, more than I would ever explain. I was full of warmth, and felt a glowing sensation. They cleaned her up, and my sisters held her, loving her, and discovering all the little things about her. She had a head full of black hair that stuck straight up. Her eyes were full of uncertainty, and were most likely going to be blue. I called Brianne and told her all about her. Brianne was to adopt this sweet little girl with her husband Trevor. They were amazing, and wanted to know how I was. They were so caring that night on the phone, and I invited them to visit me the next day. Armed the next day with their three other children they came to visit. They went out of their way and brought me gifts. I was so excited to see them, and it prepared me for the events of the next few days.
The next few days seemed to fly by. I held that little girl close and knew that these few days would be me as her mother. It was hard, knowing what was going to come. I was scared, uncertain, but still I had my eyes set on the prize. My friends visited her, met her, fell in love with her. My family enjoyed their time with her, loving every moment. That last night I held her close all night. She slept on chest, peacefully, which made what was about to occur so much easier.
The next afternoon, we drove up to the agency. I was nervous, scared, happy, and at a loss all at the same time. I was uncertain how it would be when I walked out, and I knew I would walk back to that car, and a car seat would be empty, but another full. I signed the papers, crying, and holding the sweet little angel. After walking her to her car, buckling her up, kissing her, and hugging Trevor and Brianne, it was time to leave. I walked to the car crying, got in and held my sisters hands. I knew this was right, I had the feeling of certainty, and knew all would be well. I had just done the hardest, best thing in my entire life.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

2 Amazing Dads.

These are two of the greatest guys I seriously know.

One being my dad. Who supports me, loves me and forgives me through all. I should know this is an amazing gift because I can be pretty rebellious and crazy sometimes. He supported me and my decision of placing Lily. He is one of my best friends.

The other being Lily's daddy. What an amazing guy he is. I love watching him around his family. You can see how much he truly loves, and cares for them. It makes me smile.

P.S. I love these pictures. One being I loved that day where I got pictures done courtesy of lilyp, with Trevor and Brianne, and this is my favorite of Trevor and Lily.
And the one with my dad, well he just looks so happy I love it!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Peaceful feelings

Visiting a fellow Momma tonight at the hospital brought me back to the time I spent at the hospital.
It brought me such a peaceful, happy feeling.
Life what an amazing thing.
To love, to give, to share.
I commend those around me, those I visit each week, and those who support.
I commend the parents, through tough battles have to make a decision to grow their families in another way.
Each week I am spiritually uplifted, peaceful, and happy all from some amazing women.

I love thinking about Lily's birth.

I remember looking at that beautiful face for the first time not knowing what to say. She was scared, and her eyes were locked on mine. "Baby it's going to be ok."

And sure enough it has better than just ok.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm back.

(Kendal and I)

I watch my life unfold, never know what is going to happen next.
It's the thrill, the uncertainty, the excitement.
I sometimes am curious why this is happening,
why is this that.
I look at the events of the last 2 months and think wow I made it.
There have been bad, but also good to come of it.
With losses of good friendships, and a feeling that all is falling apart something comes only to save you.
I have gained a new friend, and although the future is still uncertain, I am happy and ready for what comes next.
I'm back!

19 days till I check in for my honors program.

Monday, June 8, 2009


Wishing for a weekend away.
A weekend of peaceful tranquility.

O how I love sunflowers.