tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4607742388216282024-03-05T05:37:48.649-07:00Cambria LeannThe Story of a Motherless, Cheerleading, BirthmomCamihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.comBlogger145125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-76727961627347170822014-02-02T15:11:00.001-07:002014-02-02T15:11:08.316-07:00New Year 2013 was a beautiful mess.<br />
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The year started out with me crashing at my sister's house, while my cat crashed at my other sister's house. This continued for months.<br />
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I would lie if I said those first few months weren't hard. New Year's day I didn't even want to get out of bed, I wanted to wake up from the nightmare I thought I was in.<br />
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The following months brought lots of heartache as I dealt with change and the emotions I was dealing with. I remember one such day bawling my eyes out at the doctor asking for anxiety and depression medication. I thought that was my way out.<br />
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After that came months of building myself back up.<br />
<br />
I moved out.<br />
Enrolled at ASU.<br />
Promotion at work to manager.<br />
Bought myself a new car.<br />
And I stopped my medications.<br />
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Lily's parent also separated at the beginning of the year. And although it was a shock at first, it has been quite an easy transition. But that's a story for another day.<br />
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The year ended strong, and happy. It reminded me of so many other hard years and times where there was always light at the end of the tunnel. Life is silly like that, we all have hard times, but we all have smooth times afterwards.<br />
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Here's to a strong start to a new year.<br />
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Life's a beautiful mess.<br />
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-2984044792234218372012-12-30T15:55:00.003-07:002012-12-30T15:55:48.141-07:00Thank you.The past few weeks have been hard.<br />
I've cried almost every day.<br />
So much is going on and sometimes I feel as if I can't get a grip.<br />
Grateful for those in my life I can always lean on with no questions asked.<br />
When the pieces of my life continue to crumble, they are there helping me put them back.<br />
Thank you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-91414129074612269962012-10-19T23:31:00.001-07:002012-10-19T23:31:19.819-07:00My Heart Can Still AcheSome nights are harder than others.<br />
I would be a liar if I told you I never hurt, I never cry, I never miss, or that I never wish things were different.<br />
Some days I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and cry.<br />
Some days I long for that sweet little girl in my arms.<br />
Some days I completely loose it.<br />
And that's okay.<br />
<br />
<br />
Even almost four years later my heart still aches in its own way.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-27684792784161950042012-08-02T00:07:00.001-07:002012-08-02T00:07:46.631-07:00I'm lucky<div><p>Sometimes I am reminded how I am such a lucky little lady. So happy to be in a relationship with my <i>best</i> friend, couldn't ask for anything better. <b>Life</b> is <b>good</b>. </p>
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-42183240813604274252012-06-15T23:49:00.002-07:002012-06-16T09:48:02.871-07:00Enjoying Every Moment<div style="text-align: center;">
3 and half years ago I came home from the hospital and very shortly after my now best friend was there to visit. <i>He was there </i>when I was pregnant taking me out for late night drives and trips to sonic.<i> He was there </i>after placement when I some days I couldn't even function. I remember many nights where I would call him bawling my eyes out, <i>only for him to come pick me up right away, so I wasn't alone</i>. He even does that now when I am having a bad day. He was there during my weakest days, hardest times in my life, and <b>he has always stood right beside me, no questions asked. </b></div>
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As our friendship evolves into a relationship, I am constantly reminded why I am attracted to this guy, why I trust him so much. Because above all he's been the best friend I could ever ask for. And at the end of the day, even if our relationship doesn't keep progressing, I am grateful to have him there next to me as my <b>best friend. </b></div>
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Only time will tell the future. <b><i>But for now I am enjoying every moment. </i></b></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-25325543112160314332011-11-29T01:11:00.001-07:002011-11-29T01:11:43.551-07:00August 5, 2008<br />
<h4 class="post-title" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.699219); border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #262626; font-family: arial; font-size: 1.2em; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="http://www.myspace.com/cambria_leann/blog/421502695" rel="bookmark" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #006666; display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Read standing around">standing around</a></h4>
<article class="post-body" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.699219); border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #262626; font-family: arial; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="mood" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-top: 10px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #ff6600; font-family: inherit; font-size: medium; font-style: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">waiting for what comes next.<br />cause i sure don't know whats next<br />but that's life you got to be ready<br />for anything.<br />and some how knowing that you can<br />get through it you push yourself<br />to what you can be.<br />loving yourself even when<br />it seems like nobody else does<br />that only you have your back<br />we all have those times in our life<br />when we would rather not get out of bed.<br />that laying there curled up in a ball crying your<br />eyes out is all you can do<br />you push your self one step further<br />cause you know you are better than that<br />that even if the cards you got played<br />are nothing more than some crappy hand<br />that you can win with it<br />because you have that strength<br />the strength you built over the<br />long hard years.<br />you enjoy life and deal with situations<br />you think you can never bring yourself<br />up out of.<br />but there is a sunny side of the situation<br />you have to push yourself through the<br />hard pouring rain,, the storm that never seems<br />to end<br />and that flood that is built up around you<br />just waiting to swallow you up if you'll let it<br />but don't you're stronger than that<br />you got the sun shining through your smile<br />and it'll dry that flood up<br />your laughter brings the rays<br />and someday<br />it'll be bright and sunny again<br />only if you make it that way</span></article><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-83978667268541078962011-11-28T22:17:00.001-07:002011-11-28T22:17:15.852-07:00.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_wECeypq0g7GFRDNcqZpTk94y6ooQ8MDZQqjVcdrSOelFzZgKKCNZeI1potyz4QMjCb1WYjpoVMGkITU1TDRRuys9Y7gEglXppJq1kjC5b6dyX9Ps-3rqyGp-DzD7-sdUFFAhDRZoRQ/s1600/placementday+028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_wECeypq0g7GFRDNcqZpTk94y6ooQ8MDZQqjVcdrSOelFzZgKKCNZeI1potyz4QMjCb1WYjpoVMGkITU1TDRRuys9Y7gEglXppJq1kjC5b6dyX9Ps-3rqyGp-DzD7-sdUFFAhDRZoRQ/s320/placementday+028.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-28422083658053687832011-11-22T08:00:00.000-07:002011-11-22T08:00:00.334-07:0011/07/2011: Failure I wrote this long post on Halloween, the Monday after a terrible weekend. However, I chose not post it. I thought to myself "maybe I'll reread it, edit it, and maybe post it". However for the past week it has sat in my unpublished posts. And then today I decided I wasn't at all going to post it. I wrote it because I felt like I needed to explain what went through my mind, or explain how I could in my mind fail so badly.<br />
But then I realized I am allowed to fail. I am allowed to brake down. I am allowed to feel what I really feel. I don't always have to put on a front, feel bad about not being able to control myself, or even require that I control myself at all times. I just need to do the best I can do, and not expect anything more than I am capable of giving.<br />
Life is too short to be caught up on one failure. Or to let one failure define you.<br />
Sometimes in failure you learn the most, or you teach others the most. I think I needed to fail that weekend, not only to teach myself that I do have limits, and sometimes I can't fulfill everything; but that<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-78871221037914737252011-11-21T20:29:00.001-07:002011-11-21T20:43:52.168-07:00T r i a l s are life's lessons.<div style="text-align: center;">
Sometimes I feel as if everything hits me at once. </div>
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I remember weeks ago thinking about trials, and how I always come out of them a stronger person. And how I know of people who pray for trials. But I thought to myself, I couldn't do that. I personally don't think I would want to ask for trials... that's just asking for trouble.</div>
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However even without asking, I still receive little trials.</div>
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And it true Cami trial fashion, there are always multiple trials at once.</div>
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This week my phone got taken from my cheer gym by one of my own teammates. It ended up in the road not too far from my gym. Another teammate's mom almost ran it over and brought it back to the gym. However it was ruined, and I was clearly upset. I thought about why someone would do this, I thought who would do it. It hurt to think one of my own teammates would hate me so much that they felt the needs to take my personal property and ruin it. It angers me. A visit to my phone company and $50 later, I was able to get a replacement phone. But oh how I wish I could tell a few people off on my team, or hurt them back. But I know all they want is a reaction out of me, and you better believe I won't give them the one they want. </div>
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I'm so over young teenagers, and can't wait to be done with cheering. As much as I love stunting, tumbling, and competing, when things such as this happen I question why I still continue to put myself through all the drama. 7 more months until this chapter of my life that I've loved so much will be over. Although it will hurt, and I'm sure I'll go through a little crisis trying to discover what my life will be like now, I know it's time to walk away.</div>
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I'm sick. So sick in fact I took the last two days off of both school and work, and just slept every moment I could. I sat three hours in urgent care yesterday morning to find out I have<b> </b>Bronchitis, Tracheitis, and Laryngitis. I'm tired, and sickly. But actually pretty grateful for being sick. It has given me some much needed sleep and relaxation time. Time I probably won't see again till after Christmas, and then once again in spring break, followed by nothing til summer. Ahh.</div>
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I'm not so sure I'll pass all my classes with good grades this semester. I'm actually pretty certain I won't. I'm hoping to at least pass and keep my scholarship. But only time with tell..</div>
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<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-85636280913811257142011-10-23T20:54:00.002-07:002011-10-23T20:54:53.057-07:00Ready For ChangeI've never once struggled in school as much as I am now. It's not so much that I'm not smart, because I know I am. But it more has to do with my professors. This semester I have clashed with every single one of my professors that I have in person. I have to force myself to get up in the morning and go to school, even though I feel like class is a waste of my time. I'm always tired, I'm always worn thin, and I'm always frustrated.<br />
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So ready for this semester to be over. So ready for change.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-52731833488118400552011-10-14T00:32:00.000-07:002011-10-14T00:33:00.459-07:00Dating?<div style="text-align: center;">
Tonight my coach told me she couldn't keep track of the men in my life. </div>
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I laughed, and told her there are no men in my life right now.</div>
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But I knew what she was talking about.</div>
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Within the last year I've sorta, kinda, "hung out" with quiet a few guys.</div>
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But to be honest, I never keep them around for long.</div>
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Not because I don't want a boyfriend.. because I certainly would like that.</div>
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But because they aren't worth my time, and I tend to realize that quiet quickly.</div>
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I don't think I will have a boyfriend again, unless I see REAL potential in the guy.</div>
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Because quiet frankly, my time, and emotions are better spent on other things..</div>
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Like School, Work, Cheer, Friends, Family, and Adoption Advocating.</div>
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Life is good.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-21387899593396788992011-10-12T13:34:00.000-07:002011-10-12T23:02:04.226-07:00Christmas 1995Today I found a holiday letter my mom wrote about 18 months prior to her death. Here's what she wrote about me..<br />
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"Cambria (Cami) is the youngest. She is 2 and will be 3 in January. She is a sweet girl. Always has a smile for everyone. Everyone wants to know if she ever stops smiling. She keeps Mom busy all day while everyone is at school. We all have fun with her."<br />
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I loved reading this. I think my Mom won't be surprised that I am the same today. Love her and miss her.<br />
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-35161941868191120022011-09-13T10:09:00.001-07:002011-09-13T10:09:11.136-07:00Listening<div style="text-align: center;">
Last week I was having a hard week. I felt pulled in every direction.</div>
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I listened to a professor, lecture me, tell me how I should be placing school in front of everything else in my life. I wanted to argue to tell him how dare he make generalizations about me, and my life. How dare he think that i don't make school a priority, when I graduated school a year early with honors after facing an unplanned pregnancy. Or how I balanced school, work, and cheer last year and I still had a 4.0. There was so much I wanted to tell him, as he went on and on at me. But I didn't. And that's a lot for me.</div>
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For a long time I've been the girl who will argue her point to the end. I haven't let one guy treat me wrong, without me standing up for myself in a long time. I am blunt, I am argumentative, and I speak my mind. A lot! I don't let people disrespect me. It's just not in me.</div>
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But lately I've found myself just sitting back and listening. If one person really feels the need to say something to me I just listen. I don't argue, or agree, I just listen. Sometimes it's just worth the fight. They may not know or situation, want know, or could even understand. Let them judge you, let them think what they want, because in the end you know what you am doing. </div>
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In the end I know I am doing my best. Even if all I do is get out of bed some days, as long as it's my best, that's all that matters. </div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-64624203615851673552011-08-26T22:21:00.001-07:002011-08-27T09:41:56.399-07:00Sometimes it just hurts.<div style="text-align: center;">Sometimes I wish I was good enough. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Good enough to be respected, good enough to be praised, good enough to feel like someone always has my back, good enough to feel like who I am, what I offer, and my life is good enough. </div><div style="text-align: center;">But often times I feel like who am I, what I offer, my life, my choices, everything about me, is never GOOD enough. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I can never be good enough for some people in my life.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I can never be offered any thing.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am often expected to do it myself, or on my own, when I watch others be handed everything, or when I see others who are at least offered help.</div><div style="text-align: center;">However, when I ask for help, I am denied. I am treated like what I just asked for was a horrible thing. </div><div style="text-align: center;">It bothers me to live my life like this. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I want positive in my life, but so often I am only given negative. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts.</strong> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to be told that I need to move on with my life.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to be told that I am supposedly stuck in the same spot as I was 3 years ago.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> be told I need to quit the one activity I love.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to not even have my dad bother to show up to a cheer competition.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to not be understood.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to be struggling, and nobody notice, nobody care.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> for someone to tell you how amazing you are, only then act like you don't exist.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to watch my best friend leave to college, and wish that there was some way to make him stay.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> not to feel loved, by those who should love me unconditionally.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to not be supported, by those who should support me nonstop.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>It hurts</strong> to miss the one person I love so much.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong>Sometimes it just hurts.</strong></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-87816800850734240592011-07-24T19:59:00.000-07:002011-07-24T19:59:47.518-07:007/15/2011<div style="text-align: center;"><b>I've debated posting this, as I have chosen to continue to cheer for now. But I'm still having a hard time with whether or not it's the right decision for me...</b><br />
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The last week has been hard. As I have been faced with a big decision in my life at this time.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am no longer sure that participating in cheer will be the path I take next season. And that's hard for me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">As I sat crying with my best friend this week about what decision is right. I was in a lot of ways reminded of the feelings I felt 3 years ago. And I know that if I chose to no longer cheer, that I will experience a loss, and it will be hard. </div><div style="text-align: center;">But there have been a few things I have thought about, and realized this week</div><div style="text-align: left;">1. I will be okay, if I choose to take my life in a different direction. Although I will be loosing something important in my life, I have been through far worse loss, and I can overcome anything that is thrown at me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">2. Whether I choose to end my cheer career this year, or next year eventually it's going to end. And at that time I will be taking off my training wheels in some sense. Cheer was my escape, and a huge reason why I was able to move on and handle placement. But I have also made cheer one of my main focuses, and haven't learned how to fully live since placement. I have used cheer as a way to hold back figuring out how to live my life again. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">3. What is meant to be will be. I know the right decision will come. The right decisions always come. Will it be easy? No, not at all! Either decision will have it's on obstacles and struggles for me. But will it be right? Of course. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just wish I knew what the right answer was.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-52954644963640404692011-07-17T22:46:00.000-07:002011-07-17T22:46:49.845-07:00Breakup<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Started writing 7/27/2010</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd1qEGTG4ZuS3QZ8Dja4X2NWv8O2Mm3QeJkyEMl2uB0Ay49UMUhu4R9zwK8TSqhAef-PhDoo7317cRHBlbcGe04e4V5z4XHK-4I4PYALjTy2h-35FqwjnWvLb4eHre1WsMn_SBM7VfaA/s1600/Picture+720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd1qEGTG4ZuS3QZ8Dja4X2NWv8O2Mm3QeJkyEMl2uB0Ay49UMUhu4R9zwK8TSqhAef-PhDoo7317cRHBlbcGe04e4V5z4XHK-4I4PYALjTy2h-35FqwjnWvLb4eHre1WsMn_SBM7VfaA/s400/Picture+720.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">(July 2008)</div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I remember this weekend somewhat vividly. My brother, my dad and I went up north for a day. We hiked and I was reminded of how out of shape I had become in just a few months. My relationship with my boyfriend was in shambles and had just ended within the past few days. I was still in shock. Nobody around me knew. I wasn't ready to hear their opinions.. I just wanted to spend the last bit of time with my siblings and my dad and forget about the world. I knew that the next few months would be difficult. And I was scared. I wanted things to be different, I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be able to raise my child as my own, and I wanted the father to be supportive. Yet I let the relationship end. I was the one who had called him out, I was the one who threatened to walk away from the relationship if he didn't grow up, and when he told me he could no longer do this, I was the one who told him "don't do it then". I think a part of me knew that although I wanted our relationship to work, it wasn't right. And although I wanted to parent, that wasn't the right choice for me either. In some ways I think I knew what I needed to do by this time, and I knew it would be easier if I was single, and able to handle the situation alone without the constant thought that I could do it because the father and I were together. That's why I let him walk away. And to be honest I could have done it. But when I tried to imagine how parenting would go, I could never picture it. I tried to imagine many scenarios but yet nothing seemed right. After the break up I tried to imagine how I would parent. How it would be for my child to go back and forth between two parents. How I knew she would suffer going from home to home. How I knew she would suffer being raised by parents who were children themselves. And I knew that it wasn't the right decision for me to parent. It was hard decision to make, and looking back I'm not sure how I was able to do it. But I know that Heavenly Father blessed me, and I was put through situations that allowed my heart to be softened to adoption. For without these situations and experiences I am not sure if I would have. I am grateful for the decision I made to place my little girl for adoption, because she has the life I couldn't have given her at this time in my life. I am grateful that she will always know I love her, and I made this loving decision for her. Because she deserves the best this world has to offer.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-56761070915555426052011-05-20T00:01:00.000-07:002011-05-20T00:01:02.344-07:00Courage to never give up<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">"Success is not final.</span></b></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">Failure is not fatal;</span></b></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">It is the Courage to continue that Counts..."</span></b></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">~Winston Churchill</span></b></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br />
</span></div><br />
It's easy to frown after a bad practice, where I get hit in the face, my stunts all fall, people are in my way and I miss my next part, I come home with a hurt back, and bruises everywhere.<br />
<br />
It's easy to be upset when boys hurt me, when they don't understand me, when they can't accept who I am.<br />
<br />
It's easy to be upset when people who were once your friends, no longer make an effort.<br />
<br />
It's easy to be upset when life seems tough.<br />
<br />
Sometimes the courage to continue on is what constitutes success. Never giving up hope, never backing down, but continuing forward with all your might, all your strength.<br />
<br />
It is easy to back down, and give up.<br />
<br />
But strength and success rely on you being strong when all is against you.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi0Tm7n9kPhYQ8jrDziBIR_bW7Tux0C3kuXejXqmZgRKQz_CTQwsveD1qF6TI3RtSF2LXmPugWUnzQ0o4JV_TqCIHY2Rvoy1zg-9TyUviOq2D1hHgiH4xJ2o3Y-ofklPsjSO_um-I8CQ/s1600/242454_1871987091678_1601165749_31844200_7929253_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi0Tm7n9kPhYQ8jrDziBIR_bW7Tux0C3kuXejXqmZgRKQz_CTQwsveD1qF6TI3RtSF2LXmPugWUnzQ0o4JV_TqCIHY2Rvoy1zg-9TyUviOq2D1hHgiH4xJ2o3Y-ofklPsjSO_um-I8CQ/s320/242454_1871987091678_1601165749_31844200_7929253_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>My baby team of 10 that beat out teams more than double our size this past weekend in Vegas after a girl quit the week of the competition. We pulled together found a replacement, and went on to win 1st and highest point of all levels 3-5. So proud of Dynamics. Success is never giving up, but having the courage to push forward. <b>Quality not quantity.</b><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-89903864366521363762011-05-19T13:30:00.000-07:002011-05-19T13:30:54.809-07:00Fresh; Brand NewEvery time a new birthmom places I ache. I've been there before and I know how it feels.<br />
I want to tell them it'll be ok. That life can and will go on, and you can be happy again.<br />
<br />
But I remember driving away after placing my sweet little girl, and bawling. At that moment I didn't feel any hope, I didn't see life at the end of the tunnel. I only felt the ache in my heart, the thought of "how will life continue?". I was fragile, very fragile for a long time. But things change. Maybe it was the 6 months or so later that I didn't feel the need to know everything that was going on in her life. Or that I felt comfortable just talking to them here and there. But things change. One day you wake up and realize that you can move on. Fully? no way. She will always be a part of my life, and the decisions I make. And I never forget. But things get easier. Maybe it's when you get more comfortable in your decision, and in your life after placement. It doesn't hurt anymore. People's comments don't take as big of a slice at your heart. It's different for everyone.<br />
<br />
But every time I a new birthmom arises I think of her strength, and know she can accomplish anything in her life. For I know the heartache, the pain, but I also know the strength it takes to place. You can not come out of that unchanged. I am forever changed for the better.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com186tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-64996120588077331002011-04-28T13:32:00.000-07:002011-05-19T13:33:31.630-07:00Opposition"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things." - 2 Nephi 2:11<br />
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In my life I feel like every time something good happens I need to be ready, because right behind the rainbow, the storm returns.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-17931083217932080302011-03-28T08:00:00.000-07:002011-03-30T00:50:27.032-07:00Best FriendsSometimes the best medicine is a night out with your best friend. Last weekend I spent the night drinking cherry vanilla coke, eating tater tots, and driving around with my best friend. Spending time with him is always the best because it's so low key, and simple.<br />
He's known me since my early teens, and has been there with me through thick and thin. I remember being pregnant and our nights out to sonic to catch up on life. He was always there to lend a listening ear and to show he cared. I remember right after placing Lily he would come over and we would go out. I would ball my eyes out about all the hard things I was facing and he would always be there.<br />
We have gone through rough patches in our friendship, but one thing is always certain, when we need someone the other is always there for them.<br />
When he left for college in the fall I was happy, and sad. Happy for him, but sad because I was going to miss him. I cried on my drive home after saying goodbye. The future scared me, and I was sad that he wasn't going to be just a drive up the road to see when I needed some support. Luckily he's just a phone call or text away.<br />
It still hurts after each visit when it's time to say goodbye. I still miss my best friend. But summer is fast approaching, which means no school, and he's back.<br />
Summer, come fast, I miss my best friend already.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-12762857193401409022011-03-27T22:55:00.000-07:002011-03-27T22:55:39.527-07:00Afraid of Changing"Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you" ~Dixie Chicks<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp1fKoMOV74">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp1fKoMOV74</a><br />
<br />
I know I have another year, but since this year has gone by so fast, I am scared that so will next year. "What's next?", I have asked myself constantly the last few weeks. To be honest I wish I knew..<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-6493503908251072762011-02-13T23:22:00.000-07:002011-02-13T23:22:22.800-07:00Balancing; A Part of LifeFor a long time I have felt that there requires a balance in all things.<br />
For a blessing to come, there requires a trial.<br />
As well as after a trial, comes a blessing.<br />
While I don't completely understand why this is, in some ways I am grateful for it.<br />
It reminds me to be thankful of my blessings.<br />
It reminds me to enjoy the happiness. <br />
<br />
I believe it is impossible to understand how it feels to place your birth child in to the arms of another family for eternity, unless you have experienced it. Even when you know it's right, <i>it still hurts sometimes</i>.<br />
<br />
But lately is has hurt when others have tried to tell me how is should be. Others who have not experienced this, and can not fully comprehend.<br />
It hurts when those who once were supporting me, now seem to be out to put me down.<br />
<br />
But along with this trial, comes a blessing. A blessing of being apart of a group of special people. There is a connection between people who fully understand, and have been blessed through adoption, no matter the circumstance. And I am blessed to know, and love people like this who help me through my trials.<br />
<br />
My trial maybe others who put me down, but oh how am I richly blessed by the Lord to know so many amazing people.<br />
<br />
A reminder that there is always a blessing to be found, if my eyes, and heart are open.<div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-59966468112181501792010-12-22T01:09:00.000-07:002010-12-22T01:09:30.386-07:00Adoption; A Process<div style="text-align: center;"><i>Sometimes I feel like the world <b>expects</b> me to be over the placement of my birth daughter. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>That because I feel like it was/is the best for her, and <b>I know it is right</b>, that it should no longer hurt, that I should just be able to continue on with life like nothing ever occurred. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b>But this is NOT true</b>. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>It will always be apart of my life.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Some days is does hurt.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Some nights I cry. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Sometimes I just can't even make it through the day normally.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I have bad days, I have hard weeks.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And sometimes when it's really hard, the hard week may turn into a hard few weeks. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>But it is just part of the <b>process</b>.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>And that is okay.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><br />
</b></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b>Adoption is NOT an event</b>, or milestone. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b>You can't</b> just tackle it and <b>get over it</b>.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Instead it is a process, something continually part of your life, apart of who you are.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b>I never forget</b> the events, the pain, the love, or her.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>But most of the time, all of this doesn't consume all of my thoughts.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>But when it does consume the majority of my thoughts, I am reminded that I don't ever want to just forget it all. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The the events, the pain, the love, the friendships, and the miracle of her alone, are all apart of who I am.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>They have also made me to who I am today.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>For that I am grateful.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>I am very blessed.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqQegM69yAlD8nIcLS02Q5BL4yR0q8O3A_TOzECjkWUsNmacL45_malJD759sUdabexUj8n0u_qY6VEJwES7iY55kh9tOhs0HYKY-xxeE1v8xcXPL6wdBpO_Xa-4Ka1QQ1ul4PwF-nCw/s1600/11-15-2008+016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqQegM69yAlD8nIcLS02Q5BL4yR0q8O3A_TOzECjkWUsNmacL45_malJD759sUdabexUj8n0u_qY6VEJwES7iY55kh9tOhs0HYKY-xxeE1v8xcXPL6wdBpO_Xa-4Ka1QQ1ul4PwF-nCw/s320/11-15-2008+016.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;">Adoption will always be a huge part of my life.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Somethings like this will never change.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">(Picture taken National Adoption Day, November 15, 2008. Placement Day)</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-25030901718325698742010-12-10T10:59:00.001-07:002010-12-10T11:01:11.054-07:00Connected<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga-tm7uIflBBWtWIlX0m9LEqcQBejAecFVj6Gt_98B_U1usq7KyKSUNDDxhmO7k-FO0UdEvSqExe6ASeLQTjYZIqzHO2Aaw_5Ghj95wg9uqfRCFEJQtQpbSAkV2vdFZgq-3_n6DVlGOg/s1600/IMG_9826.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga-tm7uIflBBWtWIlX0m9LEqcQBejAecFVj6Gt_98B_U1usq7KyKSUNDDxhmO7k-FO0UdEvSqExe6ASeLQTjYZIqzHO2Aaw_5Ghj95wg9uqfRCFEJQtQpbSAkV2vdFZgq-3_n6DVlGOg/s400/IMG_9826.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px;">An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px;">regardless of time, place, or circumstance.</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px;"><div style="text-align: center;">The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.</div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; line-height: 19px;"><div style="text-align: center;">--- An ancient Chinese belief</div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-460774238821628.post-50647709278694123462010-11-16T15:31:00.000-07:002010-11-16T15:31:36.405-07:00Two<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1xIhCrtycxgYPafb06rXD-A_GriUA0862P3UYmcZjeKARDADQ8zSrndHRyu5IpRHoIFl6hPuZT19_An4POjJFk42-8ktYj01IgrDLg0XNsnsEgbSFezFbRweAZrywhD9KzUui6NNoCg/s1600/IMG_2834.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1xIhCrtycxgYPafb06rXD-A_GriUA0862P3UYmcZjeKARDADQ8zSrndHRyu5IpRHoIFl6hPuZT19_An4POjJFk42-8ktYj01IgrDLg0XNsnsEgbSFezFbRweAZrywhD9KzUui6NNoCg/s320/IMG_2834.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div>I wonder how your personality will grow</div><div>I hear your laugh</div><div>I see your bright smile that goes ear to ear</div><div>I want the very best for you</div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div><br />
</div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div>I pretend you are my little angel</div><div>I feel deep love and appreciation for you</div><div>I touch your soft hair</div><div>I worry about what you will have to experience during your life</div><div>I cry when I miss you</div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div><br />
</div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div>I understand life is sometimes difficult, but you can get through anything</div><div>I say often how much I love you</div><div>I dream about you becoming an amazing young woman one day</div><div>I try to express how blessed I am to know you</div><div>I hope you always know the love I have for you</div><div><b>You are Two and Beautiful</b></div><div><br />
</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">"Learning to live life again"</div>Camihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05651937960530503763noreply@blogger.com4