T r i a l s are life's lessons.

Sometimes I feel as if everything hits me at once. 

I remember weeks ago thinking about trials, and how I always come out of them a stronger person. And how I know of people who pray for trials. But I thought to myself, I couldn't do that. I personally don't think I would want to ask for trials... that's just asking for trouble.

However even without asking, I still receive little trials.

And it true Cami trial fashion, there are always multiple trials at once.

This week my phone got taken from my cheer gym by one of my own teammates. It ended up in the road not too far from my gym. Another teammate's mom almost ran it over and brought it back to the gym. However it was ruined, and I was clearly upset. I thought about why someone would do this, I thought who would do it. It hurt to think one of my own teammates would hate me so much that they felt the needs to take my personal property and ruin it. It angers me. A visit to my phone company and $50 later, I was able to get a replacement phone. But oh how I wish I could tell a few people off on my team, or hurt them back. But I know all they want is a reaction out of me, and you better believe I won't give them the one they want. 

I'm so over young teenagers, and can't wait to be done with cheering. As much as I love stunting, tumbling, and competing, when things such as this happen I question why I still continue to put myself through all the drama. 7 more months until this chapter of my life that I've loved so much will be over. Although it will hurt, and I'm sure I'll go through a little crisis trying to discover what my life will be like now, I know it's time to walk away.

I'm sick. So sick in fact I took the last two days off of both school and work, and just slept every moment I could. I sat three hours in urgent care yesterday morning to find out I have Bronchitis, Tracheitis, and Laryngitis. I'm tired, and sickly. But actually pretty grateful for being sick. It has given me some much needed sleep and relaxation time. Time I probably won't see again till after Christmas, and then once again in spring break, followed by nothing til summer. Ahh.

I'm not so sure I'll pass all my classes with good grades this semester. I'm actually pretty certain I won't. I'm hoping to at least pass and keep my scholarship. But only time with tell..

Breakup

Started writing 7/27/2010

(July 2008)

I remember this weekend somewhat vividly. My brother, my dad and I went up north for a day. We hiked and I was reminded of how out of shape I had become in just a few months. My relationship with my boyfriend was in shambles and had just ended within the past few days. I was still in shock. Nobody around me knew. I wasn't ready to hear their opinions.. I just wanted to spend the last bit of time with my siblings and my dad and forget about the world. I knew that the next few months would be difficult. And I was scared. I wanted things to be different, I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be able to raise my child as my own, and I wanted the father to be supportive. Yet I let the relationship end. I was the one who had called him out, I was the one who threatened to walk away from the relationship if he didn't grow up, and when he told me he could no longer do this, I was the one who told him "don't do it then". I think a part of me knew that although I wanted our relationship to work, it wasn't right. And although I wanted to parent, that wasn't the right choice for me either. In some ways I think I knew what I needed to do by this time, and I knew it would be easier if I was single, and able to handle the situation alone without the constant thought that I could do it because the father and I were together. That's why I let him walk away. And to be honest I could have done it. But when I tried to imagine how parenting would go, I could never picture it. I tried to imagine many scenarios but yet nothing seemed right. After the break up I tried to imagine how I would parent. How it would be for my child to go back and forth between two parents. How I knew she would suffer going from home to home. How I knew she would suffer being raised by parents who were children themselves. And I knew that it wasn't the right decision for me to parent. It was hard decision to make, and looking back I'm not sure how I was able to do it. But I know that Heavenly Father blessed me, and I was put through situations that allowed my heart to be softened to adoption. For without these situations and experiences I am not sure if I would have. I am grateful for the decision I made to place my little girl for adoption, because she has the life I couldn't have given her at this time in my life. I am grateful that she will always know I love her, and I made this loving decision for her. Because she deserves the best this world has to offer.

Courage to never give up

"Success is not final.

Failure is not fatal;

It is the Courage to continue that Counts..."

~Winston Churchill

It's easy to frown after a bad practice, where I get hit in the face, my stunts all fall, people are in my way and I miss my next part, I come home with a hurt back, and bruises everywhere.

It's easy to be upset when boys hurt me, when they don't understand me, when they can't accept who I am.

It's easy to be upset when people who were once your friends, no longer make an effort.

It's easy to be upset when life seems tough.

Sometimes the courage to continue on is what constitutes success. Never giving up hope, never backing down, but continuing forward with all your might, all your strength.

It is easy to back down, and give up.

But strength and success rely on you being strong when all is against you.

My baby team of 10 that beat out teams more than double our size this past weekend in Vegas after a girl quit the week of the competition. We pulled together found a replacement, and went on to win 1st and highest point of all levels 3-5. So proud of Dynamics. Success is never giving up, but having the courage to push forward. Quality not quantity.