Cambria Leann

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Fresh; Brand New

Every time a new birthmom places I ache. I've been there before and I know how it feels.
I want to tell them it'll be ok. That life can and will go on, and you can be happy again.

But I remember driving away after placing my sweet little girl, and bawling. At that moment I didn't feel any hope, I didn't see life at the end of the tunnel. I only felt the ache in my heart, the thought of "how will life continue?". I was fragile, very fragile for a long time. But things change. Maybe it was the 6 months or so later that I didn't feel the need to know everything that was going on in her life. Or that I felt  comfortable just talking to them here and there. But things change. One day you wake up and realize that you can move on. Fully? no way. She will always be a part of my life, and the decisions I make. And I never forget. But things get easier. Maybe it's when you get more comfortable in your decision, and in your life after placement. It doesn't hurt anymore. People's comments don't take as big of a slice at your heart. It's different for everyone.

But every time I a new birthmom arises I think of her strength, and know she can accomplish anything in her life. For I know the heartache, the pain, but I also know the strength it takes to place. You can not come out of that unchanged. I am forever changed for the better.

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