Cambria Leann

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Moment of weakness

As a sat in a class today the teacher talked about a subject that I cringe about each time it is brought up. I sat there as he went on for five minutes not sure if everyone was staring at me or if I just felt bad about myself. Either way I didn't feel happy. I tried to block him talking out, as I hoped I could continue on my day without feeling like the whole world was staring at me. But in reality that was impossible. I listened, I stared him in the eyes, and I thought about the events of the last two years. I then stared down at my desk still unsure if people were staring at me, but I was sure my name was popping through their heads. Class ended and I slowly walked out in a gaze. A kid stopped me, gave me a big hug, and asked how I was doing. I felt like he knew how I was feeling and offered up friendship when nobody else would. It was just what I needed in a moment of weakness whether he knew it or not.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

12/12/09



"The original, the only Valley Cheer Dynamics"

Friday, December 4, 2009

Emotions

Recipe to hurt a Birthmom

Take one birthmom
And a room full of people
Let them ask questions like "why would you do that?"
Or tell her that she is better off
Until you can see the pain in her eyes
Then place the birthmom all alone
Watch as her emotions chop her up
Bake this situation up for a few minutes on an already emotionally hard day
Until you hear her cry
Then you know you have accomplished the task
Let stand alone for 10 minutes
Tastes completely horrible
Can work on nearly every birthmom.

Understanding

I don't understand
     why dating is difficult
     why love can end
     why people can be so silly
But most of all
     why people can not see the pain
     why change is so hard
     why I can't tumble
     why I am so different
What I understand most is
     why I am happy
     why change is needed
     what love is

Journey


A journey lies ahead


Where I am going I am not quite sure

The world around me is constantly changing

Sometimes I feel really scared

I ask myself "what now?"

My sister reassures me that I can do anything

Sometimes it feels like I am falling

Life is passing by me

I can never accomplish my goals

Things aren't going quite right

Then I open my eyes

This journey is a great ride

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sweet friends

"Cling to what is right and you will always find joy."

I reread this letter today from a sweet friend. It reminded me that I am loved and that people are watching me.

Sometimes I feel like I am here or there but nobody seems to notice me, especially at church. My old ward watched me grow; they watched me change. Many of them know me simply by observance. But yet through that observance they learned who I am. I have numerous friends there. Friends I so dearly miss.

One of these special friends wrote me a letter almost a year ago. Much in my life at that time had changed or was changing. Things were so different from what I was used to and the road ahead was a steep one. Her words were heartfelt and brought me to tears.

Today rereading them brings me to tears, and reminds me of the moments and events of last year. How grateful I am for friends like her. For the friendship many people have given me. I feel truly loved.

My favorite quote from the letter is, "Cling to what is right and you will always find joy". It's a nice reminder where I can find happiness. And I find hope in the future because of it .

She wrote fighting

Writing a Story


Once upon a time
A girl had to write a story that rhymed
She didn’t really want to write
Instead she wanted to go night-night

After deciding that writing would be wise
She went through story ideas from dates to buying her dad a tie
But none of that was moving
She needed something worth choosing

After much thought she was still lost
She knew if she didn’t do it, it would cost
She still needed a theme
Then finally her mind beamed!


She wrote on her life
And how she had to fight
She wrote on writing
She wrote fighting

I see a face at the window…

I see a face at the window…


I see a face at the window
It is looking right at me
I stare in its eyes
I can’t help but cry
This man has done so much for me
But yet I keep on running
I just want my rebellious soul to calm
But it seems like this path is never ending
I hope he knows I am thankful
I hope he knows I try
Today I hope while looking right at me
That he can see past my crying eyes

Today is just the beginning…

Today is just the beginning…


Today is just the beginning I thought as she was born
I knew the road ahead was far reaching and hard
I chose that road anyway not for my own sake but hers
I held her and was silent
There wasn’t much to say
I called her parents
I let them know today was the day
I can hardly imagine the wait they endured
The pain they must have felt
To have this little angel was a simple answer to their prayers
I then kissed my little sweetheart
I let her know how much I loved her
I placed her in their care
She was off to see her family
Oh how much I can see
The love they have for this little angel
This girl that is part of their forever family

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Halloween


This turned out to be the best pumpkin I have ever carved. It took a long time to carve but I knew what I wanted, a flower patch. In the middle flower is a sunflower and it took the most time because of all the detail. This pumpkin was so perfect in size and it was a beauty. I loved it! I stopped by and saw the kids in their costumes. They looked great! ( I love how Bella is the only one looking at the camera!)

Thanks for the awesome pumpkin to carve! You know who you are.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Induction Day

(Induction day 11/10/08)
This day one year ago was induction day.
Let's just say I was not happy at all.
I had picked my hospital and wanted her to come on her own. But after her due date came and passed, my doctor brought up the word induction. He said he'll go check availability and come back in a moment. That I could deal with because I still would get to have the last call right? Wrong. He came in with a paper and my scheduled induction time at a different hospital. I left and cried. I cried because it was a different hospital, I cried because I knew this would be the start and I wasn't sure if I was ready.
My induction day I woke and curled my hair. Went to work with my dad and worked on online school. The lovely ladies that work with my dad made sure I had all of their numbers, just in case. My friends picked me up and we went driving around. We visited my favorite teacher, and as I left I whispered tonight I go to the hospital. She told me it would be fine, and she hugged me. I went home, and ate dinner. Called the hospital and instead of coming in at 8 pm, it would be 10. So I had time to hang out, and take a shower. And take pictures. I was huge! We left for the hospital and I drove the car. We arrived and waited in the lobby. They took me back to my room eventually. They started asking questions to put in the computer. The lady bothered me because she didn't trust me. She asked questions and congratulated me on going to the doctor the whole pregnancy. Which I thought was rude. When finally we were done with tons of questions like "did you take care of yourself while pregnant?" it was around midnight. She gave me two pills and told me to get some rest that tommorrow would be a big day. I knew it would be, and the events of the next few days would be. I was restless all night... I knew tommorrow would be a journey.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Birthmother Baskets

I came apon this blog and thought the idea was so awesome!
Click the link to learn how you can support new birthmothers.


November is National Adoption Month.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Missing

This week more than ever I miss Mesa.
My silly colored walls. Pink, purple, and turquoise.
My tile floor, cold, but cute design.
My pool where i swam mornings last summer while I was pregnant, went swimming with friends, and was pushed into on a birthday.
My friends who make me feel good about life.
My life.
Everything I grew so accustomed to.
I miss Lazona ward.

Life seems to pass me by quickly.

Things change.

2 weeks ago we had the primary program in our ward.
I remember looking at all the kids trying to figure out just one of their names.
I got nothing.
It hit me, I barely know anyone.
It hurt.
It hurts knowing they know nothing about me, and not knowing how to open up.

Missing it won't bring it back.
But don't think I have forgotten you.
You are the ones pushing me forward.
Thank you.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Friendship.



I called my sister tonight.
I cried my eyes out, told her all my problems, and how I didn't want to keep going.
She cried with me.
A real friend.

Real friendship lies within those who always have been there,
Supports you when nobody else seems to,
And are there to listen.

I just wanted to thank all of my friends for all they do.

I love you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sweet Baby Face.


Kisses for you.
I love you to eternity and back.

It's strange thinking how the year mark is coming up so quickly.
How big you are.
How independent you are.
How scrumptious you are.
You are a beautiful daughter of god.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

"I love to see the temple"

The last two weeks have been extremely hard in cheer.
As I have fought with my emotions.
I want this but it doesn't seem in sight.
I felt like I deserved this, but didn't receive it.

Last week I fought back tears, as I watched the one spot I really wanted be handed to someone else.
Since then I have fought with myself, and my desires to move forward.
I have since struggled with the dance, keeping up, and even having desires to do it.

On Monday during seminary my teacher challenged us to sing a primary song, or recite a scripture when we had bad thoughts or thoughts that brought us down.

I found myself singing "I love to see the temple" on Monday during practice when I got frustrated. And it helped me to concentrate and get further along.

I chose this song because of the meaning it has to me.

I have found myself a few times whisper it to Lily.

It reminds me of the eternal family Lily has. Of the struggles I have been through, and the choices I have made. Of the promises I have made to push forward through anything, because I know it is possible.
One day I want an eternal family.
I desire happiness, and without trying I only doom myself to fail.
Today I think of the last year and a half.
Thank my heavenly father.
And promise to keep pushing forward.
It can get better.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Adoption and Abortion

I know I have shared the link to this video before but I feel like it is needed to be shared itself on my page.
It means that much to me. And this girl is a dear friend of mine. Thank you for sharing.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Sunday, August 30, 2009

08/30/09



If you didn't notice.. there is a new quote at the top of my page..
"When happiness seems to be nowhere around, remember.. it's waiting to be found"

This quote was given to me by my English teacher.
It's a reminder that there is always happiness in our lives.
Sometimes we cover up that happiness with everything bad, or wrong going on in our lives.

Why is it that we are so easily able to name off everything bad in our lives?
But we have to ponder to remember the good.

I challenge you to think about all the good in your life.
Make a list, or whatever. Ponder it.
Maybe just in doing so you'll actually realise there is happiness in a lot of things.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Future is bright.


Each day is a new step, to where I want to be, what I want, who I want to be.
Some steps are harder than others.
Sometimes letting go of the past can be hard.
I am not the same girl I was last year, last week, or yesterday.
Each day is filled with it's own struggles.
Like today, and the will to push forward..

Awhile back someone asked me a profound question, it went a little something like this...
"It seems like you were dealt a lot of bad cards, you have gone through many things others will never have to.. do you ever ask why me?"

My answer was something I always believe..
we are dealt our trials, and struggles, mine are just different.. there were different things I needed to go through.. everyone is different, so wouldn't their trials be different too?...

I sure have gone through many things, but their are blessing in opposition.
I am thankful for my blessings.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Hope.

"we must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope"

Sometimes I just got to remember that even with bad things that go on, I can still have hope.

This week has been a trial of my faith. A trial of if I will persevere or give up. Many times I just wanted to give up, leave it all behind me. But I didn't and I was blessed for it.

Sometimes we just got to remember that sometimes..

Boys can mean.
There is more homework then time to do it.
Friends and family can disappoint you.
Death occurs to all.
and stress happens to all

But;

Friends can step up.
Family can help you.
There are some boys who can make your day always
After death there is something better
Making time for things that relieve you makes for less stress



P.S. This next weekend I am speaking at the FSA conference in Arizona. You should come. I can't promise I'll be a great speaker, but hey there are going to be some awesome people to listen to and it'll be a fun day.
fsamesa.wordpress.com
http://fsamesa.eventbrite.com/

And I am more nervous than you would ever know, but I have hope I'll do well.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

12 months

"when someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive ...and you will be free again."
Lately I have pondering the forgiving of a few people in my life that have hurt me very much. I am unsure about what to do, if I am even ready to forgive them.


On another note:




This month marks a year since I began the journey of adoption, when I made the first few steps.. serving the birth father, and searching for a family..
I searched back and forth. Arizona, California, and neighboring states. In all sizes of families, and with all different hobbies. I watched as faces seemed to pass me. Through many lists of possibles, I feel like there was one that drew me in. I finally decided to email three, because I want to ensure myself. I got three emails back a few days later. One I read fully, the other two didn't draw me in. I can't even remember what they said, but they didn't make me glow, like the other one did. I ended up sending one email back that day, and only emailing this family. Emailing this family became addicting. Every day many times a day I would check my email, have they emailed me back?, what are we going to talk about next?, this family is so amazing and nice! I believe I was lead to them.

I believe all things were made to be a certain way as long as you listen. And I have watched many familiar faces receive their answers to their prayers by the one who was guided to them.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

3 weeks left

The last week and a half has been a big blur..
I am in and out of class all day long.
I feel like all I do is EAT SLEEP MATH,funny thing is that the program made shirts that say this.
I am writing this on a qucik break between taking a final for my online class, and going to chee practice that I have missed despertley! I was super sad I couldn't go last week.
But I am alive and moving, and have made it through almost 2 weeks! 3 more to go!

Main things on my mind when I am not doing 10 hours of math include,

College? -Where am I going to go.. what am I going to do?
Lily's amazing family! -I can't believe she's fully crawling! I hope the farm is well!
My family- this week I have called my Dad a few time just because I want to talk..
New found friendships
Dreams- Why do I keep waking up in the middle of them?,, I feel bad for everyone who keeps telling me they are dreaming math..
Stinky - I miss my baby
Cheer - I am super sad I missed last week so glad I'm going tonight
Group- I miss all the girls!
Kendal- I feel like I haven't seen her in month

As well as others.


3 weeks and one day.. I can't believe I'm counting down...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

It'll be a busy day, but a great one.


(Part of my family in 2006)

As I speak I should be packing for ASU.. unsure about the road that lays ahead. It's kind of like the first day of school (read about my first day back at school here), but some how totally different. I am excited, just a procrastinator.. Thanks Dad!

As I currently sit here, I am waiting for the day. It shall be a special day, I can not wait!..

What is so special, you may ask? Lily is getting blessed. Sweet, Sweet Lily.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Day off.



What do you do on your day off?

Drive to your old young women's leader and surprise her.

Spend hours talking, and even prank call a boy!

Make delicious cupcakes. Chocolate, chocolate moose inside, with chocolate frosting.

Eat a delicious sandwich with homegrown tomatoes from her back yard.

What a day. =)

P.S.
I miss Lazona ward.

Growing up

Little essay for school




Growing up

“You’re ready to go, I am going to call the doctor,” said my caring nurse. “She’ll be here in no time and if you have any questions feel free to ask,” was the kind words she spoke to me. As time was going by waiting for my doctor to arrive, my thoughts raced back to the events of the last year and what landed me in this position. I had gotten my life together, and making bad decisions wasn’t in my mind set. But poor choices landed me pregnant, alone, and with choices to make. But those thoughts didn’t interest me all too much. I was really interested in meeting my sweet angel, and spending time with her before she was placed for adoption.
The room is nineties themed, lights are dimmed, and spot lights ready to welcome the little angel in. The doctor walks in unprepared, uncertain this was the time, only to find it was sure time for her to come. After a quick change, the doctor walks in ready, dressed in green with booties. With my sisters on each side, we welcomed in to the world a little baby girl. “Congratulations you did it,” said the doctor.
They laid her in my arms, and my heart just melted. The scared, crying girl, with eyes of uncertainty stared straight into mine. “Baby, it’s going to be ok,” was all I could mutter out. I was also too full of uncertainty. But along with that uncertainty, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love towards this little girl, more than I would ever explain. I was full of warmth, and felt a glowing sensation. They cleaned her up, and my sisters held her, loving her, and discovering all the little things about her. She had a head full of black hair that stuck straight up. Her eyes were full of uncertainty, and were most likely going to be blue. I called Brianne and told her all about her. Brianne was to adopt this sweet little girl with her husband Trevor. They were amazing, and wanted to know how I was. They were so caring that night on the phone, and I invited them to visit me the next day. Armed the next day with their three other children they came to visit. They went out of their way and brought me gifts. I was so excited to see them, and it prepared me for the events of the next few days.
The next few days seemed to fly by. I held that little girl close and knew that these few days would be me as her mother. It was hard, knowing what was going to come. I was scared, uncertain, but still I had my eyes set on the prize. My friends visited her, met her, fell in love with her. My family enjoyed their time with her, loving every moment. That last night I held her close all night. She slept on chest, peacefully, which made what was about to occur so much easier.
The next afternoon, we drove up to the agency. I was nervous, scared, happy, and at a loss all at the same time. I was uncertain how it would be when I walked out, and I knew I would walk back to that car, and a car seat would be empty, but another full. I signed the papers, crying, and holding the sweet little angel. After walking her to her car, buckling her up, kissing her, and hugging Trevor and Brianne, it was time to leave. I walked to the car crying, got in and held my sisters hands. I knew this was right, I had the feeling of certainty, and knew all would be well. I had just done the hardest, best thing in my entire life.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

2 Amazing Dads.




These are two of the greatest guys I seriously know.

One being my dad. Who supports me, loves me and forgives me through all. I should know this is an amazing gift because I can be pretty rebellious and crazy sometimes. He supported me and my decision of placing Lily. He is one of my best friends.

The other being Lily's daddy. What an amazing guy he is. I love watching him around his family. You can see how much he truly loves, and cares for them. It makes me smile.



P.S. I love these pictures. One being I loved that day where I got pictures done courtesy of lilyp, with Trevor and Brianne, and this is my favorite of Trevor and Lily.
And the one with my dad, well he just looks so happy I love it!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Peaceful feelings




Visiting a fellow Momma tonight at the hospital brought me back to the time I spent at the hospital.
It brought me such a peaceful, happy feeling.
Life what an amazing thing.
To love, to give, to share.
I commend those around me, those I visit each week, and those who support.
I commend the parents, through tough battles have to make a decision to grow their families in another way.
Each week I am spiritually uplifted, peaceful, and happy all from some amazing women.

I love thinking about Lily's birth.

I remember looking at that beautiful face for the first time not knowing what to say. She was scared, and her eyes were locked on mine. "Baby it's going to be ok."

And sure enough it has better than just ok.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm back.


(Kendal and I)

I watch my life unfold, never know what is going to happen next.
It's the thrill, the uncertainty, the excitement.
I sometimes am curious why this is happening,
why is this that.
I look at the events of the last 2 months and think wow I made it.
There have been bad, but also good to come of it.
With losses of good friendships, and a feeling that all is falling apart something comes only to save you.
I have gained a new friend, and although the future is still uncertain, I am happy and ready for what comes next.
I'm back!


19 days till I check in for my honors program.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Wishing


Wishing for a weekend away.
A weekend of peaceful tranquility.

O how I love sunflowers.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A little update




Lily's adoption was finalized last week, along with her sealing on saturday to her loving family. I can't even go on to explain how much I love Lily's family. How they have opened their arms to me, and how they have been my friends when I don't know who to turn to. They amaze me.

School ended and I start work at Big surf.

I got into the program at ASU this summer. July 5 - August 7

We moved in into Gilbert. I have have been driving way more back and forth, here and there more then anybody should ever have to.

And I have turned to myself for a lot of things. I have found myself enjoying the drives by myself just to have some time to reflect. I have enjoyed that special time to just gather my thoughts and put myself in a good place. I have enjoyed listening to a little bit of slow, softer music, and found myself smiling.

Although there seems to be so much going on around me, I have found that time to myself keeps me calm, and I can continue carrying on.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day



To Brianne. You deserve the honor today. I love you more than words could ever explain. And today laying in my bed I thought about you, and how much I hoped you were having an amazing day. Thank you for being Lily's mommy.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy,

Happy Birth Mother's Day ladies.
Celebrate it, enjoy it, today is your day.
I love you all.
And you mean more than anything.

Honor Birth Mothers you know today.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Believing?


I walked through the motions of the last week.
Not sure if I could even handle it.
A few times I couldn't.
I had to take a drive to the store.
Stop my projects that I really want to finish.
Or drive away from where I wanted to be, just so I didn't have to see another.
I have drank Oreo shakes from Chee Burger. Eaten Ice cream cones.
And I have busied myself in other things.
But I know some how it's all going to become real.
Whether it's today or in a few days. It'll become real.
Knowing I can handle it is one thing.
But believing is another and right now, I am not sure I believe.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I can't believe it.


I look back over the last year and think wow.
How did I survive?
Some days I feel like I am barely surviving.

Cheer has ended for the season.
Undefeated in AZ.
With two national titles.
I don't think we could have asked for a better season, after all the ups and downs my team has had. (people quitting at the beginning of the season, fire at the gym, stolen stereo system.. etc..)We pulled it together.

This next year will mark change in my life.
New gym for cheer.
New home.
License.
and so much more.

If only I can keep my head off the ground, I will come to find out there is good that comes of all situations.

Friday = Wedding
Next weekend = Moving

Friday, April 24, 2009

Eyes opening

Today a friend told me really how much she cared.
She was there when I bawled my eyes out night after night last semester
She was there to make me laugh, and pull me up when I didn't feel like doing anything
When I would get calls, and voice mails that made me feel so low, so guilty, so sad.
She was always there.
Last semester was so hard for me.
I didn't feel like I had a life, and mostly I just wanted to stay in bed and bawl my eyes out
I was sad, I was hurt, and friend wise I felt alone.
She was there to take me out for a drive
Listen to me complain about the things that were bring me down
Listen to me talk about Lily's family for the longest time
She was there the first day I went back to school
Sometimes I forget how much others care about me.
I feel soo alone, so depressed.
But maybe I just need to open up my eyes..

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Mommy.

So I got a request about the story of my Mom, and technically that's actually something I have been thinking about sharing, just haven't found the right words.

A bracelet I bought a school to benefit Relay For life.

When I was about three my Mom found out she had Melanoma.
I don't remember much about that day they told us Mom was sick, I was young, everyone was upset and I just wanted to sleep with my mom and dad that night. However I was even more upset when I couldn't.
She went through Chemotherapy, lost her hair, and wore a wig.
She was so small a petite anyways, she just looked real small.
She had seizures in the middle of the night.
I distinctly remember hospital visits, where I would hide from nurse because they scared me.
She was a stay at home mom and took care of me during the day. But when she got too bad, I spent days with this lady from the church or that one. They always tried to make me feel at home making me peanut butter sandwiches because I didn't like peanut butter and jelly, or letting me borrow fun toys I liked.
Once I remember my mom being home along and we brought her food for lunch; She had already made lunch but had burned herself doing so.
I spent one day crying telling her how I didn't want to die. She told me she didn't want to die either. She wiped away my tears, and made me laugh telling me my tears tasted salty.
We went to Disneyland where I was bummed because I wasn't tall enough to ride Indiana Jones. We drove around LA while my dad showed us where he served a mission. About a week long vacation that became our last.
She continuously got worse. There was nothing they could do anymore. And after numerous nights where my father couldn't sleep because he stayed up watching her making sure she wasn't having a seizure that she was ok. When she could no longer stay at home, she went to the Hospice.
How much I disliked that place.
I spent most of our time there outside on the playground.
One day a lady wasn't paying attention and was talking out loud in front of my sister and I about how this "was a place where they brought people to die"
How painful and harsh those words were.
And after a painful fight with cancer, we lost.
Conference weekend April 5Th, 1997.
We went down to the hospice and watched conference with my mom.
My mom who was no longer there.
My mom who had 6 kids ranging from 4-20.
My mom who had always made my days.
Let me try her V8 that I hated.
Let me chase the ducks out front.
Let me sleep on her floor sometimes.
Made me Nolly.
Made me an awesome sunflower hat. (which is where I get my love for sunflowers)
My mom who I loved.
I believe I was in denial then, I was 4, happy, and confused.
I refused to let anyone do my hair.
I refused to let anyone to things my mom did.
I just wanted to sleep in her bed.
Believe she was coming home soon, but she wasn't.

I love my mom deeply, and believe she is an amazing strong woman, who fought for me and my family. I believe she helps me get through my toughest days.

Although she isn't here today she has helped make me who I am today.

-I can't believe it's been 12 years already.

The lifetime risk of getting melanoma is about 1 in 50 for whites, 1 in 1,000 for blacks, 1 in 200 for Hispanics.

The American Cancer Society estimates that in 2008 there will be 62,480 new cases of melanoma in this country. And about 8,420 people will die of this disease this year.

Accounts for about 75% of all skin cancer deaths.

To prevent Skin cancer:

-Wear a hat
-Use sunscreen and reapply every 2 hours as well as after swimming and sweating
-Do NOT tan, use sunless tanning lotion if you want the look of a tan
-Wear sunglasses
-Stay in the shade
-Avoid the sun and going outside between 10 am - 4 pm
To learn more visit www.cancer.org
To get involved visit www.RelayForLife.org
To get cute Pasty By Choice shirts or hats, or learn more about the Pasty By Choice campaign visit www.pastybychoice.com
To find out when and how you can get a free cancer screening visit www.skincancer.org

Healthy skin is beautiful skin!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

AIA.

37.12 NONSCHOOL/CLUB PARTICIPATION

37.12.1 A student who is a member of a school Spiritline team shall not practice or compete with any other cheer/pom group, team, club, organization, association, etc., in that athletic-activity during the interscholastic season of competition. For purposes of this rule, the interscholastic season of competition shall begin with the first week of permissive football and concludes with the individual school’s last basketball game, including State competitions. Any student violating the above rule shall forfeit his/her eligibility for a minimum of the balance of the season for that athletic-activity or up to a maximum of one calendar year.

DETERMINATION: An individual student may take private lessons anytime except during the school day or during school practice sessions. Schools shall not pay for, arrange or in any way provide these individual private lessons. Individual private lessons shall not be used to circumvent or evade the nonschool/all-star participation rule and any such use of private lessons will be considered a violation of the nonschool/all-star participation rule. (Ex. Bd. 2/18/03) (This excludes competitive dance and gymnastics).

AND

· Spring Floors: To be used for tumbling skills only, no practicing jumps /stunts due to the different absorption between a spring floor and a conventional mat.


Position Statement Issues Presented by Mirja Campbell, Arizona Cheer Coaches Association



Why is there a bias for participation in outside cheerleading organizations? It is not justified that the AIA will allow Spiritline or Pom team member to do competitive gymnastics or dance, which have many of the same time and training demands of competitive cheer, but say that athletes doing cheerleading cannot. How can the AIA be justified to tell a Pom team member that they can be in competitive or studio dance but will tell a Cheerleader he or she cannot participate in club-cheerleading or other organizations nor that they can practice/train on a safer surface?

Why is there a rule being imposed that in fact LIMITS safer and better training opportunities for cheer athletes?

* Would the AIA soccer teams from training on turf if they have grass at their school?

* Would the AIA prohibit basketball teams from practicing on cement courts vs. basketball floor?
* Would the AIA prohibit tennis teams from practicing on clay or grass courts vs. hard courts?

Spiritline is a multi-season activity and this amendment creates an unreasonable bias simply because of the nature of this activity.

By not allowing high school team members to practice or compete with other organizations, this language also could impact:

* Pop Warner, Boys/Girls Club, rec league,
* high school cheerleaders who volunteer with cheer leagues or groups,
* church organizations with cheerleading ministries,
* cheerleading organizations that provide practice & performance opportunities,



So basically I can't do Varsity and All Stars, but a gymnast can do a school team and a gym team, a dancer can do a school team and be in a studio. How is this fair?

I can't believe they passed this, because it didn't pass last year.

Nolly Rocks.


Because Nolly Poly is my best friend.

My mom made her for me when I was little.
After the character in my favorite book was Nolly Poly Rabbit Tail and Me.
I wanted to get it every time we went to the library.
Even though I turned it in 2 seconds earlier.
I didn't get that, that's not what you were supposed to do.
Awhile after my mom past away, my dad bought me the book.
How glad I am that he did; I don't think they print it anymore.
And it's like impossible to find one, I would know I have tried.

After my Mom past away I also got chosen for this book contest thing at the library.
You had to explain what your favorite book was and why.
You had the opportunity to go on TV and talk about it.
I chickened out.
O'well.

I am grateful my Mom made Nolly for me.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Grr.


Nights like this I want to crawl in bed.
And sleep it off.
Messed up like everything I did today.
Not to mention I had like 5 plans and they ALL fell through.
Who wants to go from a fun filled planned night, to sitting in the other room hiding from grandma and grandpa.
Nights like this I am hurting from the way others treat me.
The way my friends act towards me.
The fact I can not focus.
I cry for no reason.
I just want to say grr you until tomorrow.
Soo GGGRR.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Facebook.

Facebook makes me laugh.

Do you think that Cambria Greer is tone deaf but doesn't know it? Yes

Do you think that Cambria Greer can eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time? No

Do you think that Cambria Greer could shoot someone if they had to? Yes

Do you think that Cambria Greer cried while watching the Titanic Yes

Do you think that Cambria Greer is hyper? Yes

Have you ever had a crush on Cambria Greer? Yes

Do you think that Cambria Greer is cute? Yes

Monday, March 30, 2009

Spring.


(Casey, Cami, Emily)
(circa 1998,99,or 2000, not quite sure. Phoenix, AZ)


Spring is in the air.
A time for happiness, change, and so much more.
Whether it's that honeysuckle body wash in the morning.
Mango's with breakfast.
Sunny weather.
Spring is here.
It's a glimpse of summer.
And I can't wait.
I am some how partially forgot what summer was like.
The happiness summer always brings me.
Late nights with friends.
Swimming.
Crazy car rides absolutely no where.
Birthday parties.
Bonn Fires.
Pouring rain from no where.
No school.
Pure joy.

Touching.

http://www.billingsgazette.net/multimedia/interactive/?id=2330

Friday, March 27, 2009

20 things.

1. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A doctor, those feelings so disapeared when I A. couldn't stand needles and B. couldn't stand doctors or gross things

2. What have you done in the past week to help someone else?
I gave a girl a ride home from cheer even though I almost thought about ignoring her text.

3. Who is the best-dressed person you know?
These two sisters at my church. Ahh I want their wardrobes.

4. What is on your nightstand?
lots of things.

5. If you were a cat, what kind of a cat would you be?
Those fun kitties who like to play, and cuddle.

6. If you lived in a house surrounded by acres of trees, what particular type of tree would you want flourishing on your land?
Fruit trees. Yum!

7. What do you find to be very overrated?
Teenage dating.

8. How many email addresses do you have?
two. one hardly used, one used daily.

9. Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes numerous times.

10. Would you rather watch football or baseball?
Both, depends on who is playing.

11. What is the wallpaper on your phone?
A picture of Little Miss.

12. Name a lyric from the song you're listening to.
Love, what a silly game we play

13. Do you use a feed reader?
nope.

14. What chocolate do you always leave in the box?
ones with coffee, or when I am not in the mood for nuts, and sometimes coconut.

15. What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
I would be shocked, but then again not. Probably let out a nice cry, and then laugh it away. Silly boy and girl.

16. Do words hurt you?
Yes, maybe too often.

17. Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
Depends. I like to talk and listen. Talk about me, listen about you. Sometimes I don't know what to say.

18. Have you ever walked on the beach at night?
Yes, in conneticut. Two weeks, cousins, camping, and a beach. It was nice.

19. Who is your favorite professional athlete?
When I was younger it was Charles Barkley. Ahh I used to watch every suns game with my dad.

20. Which TV show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Wife Swap. It's the only thing on at four. =)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Fun at practice

video



This is what you get when you leave one fun coach alone with part of the team.


ahh fun night!


(P.S a six year old boy was not injured in the filming of this video.)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

So

Since I have been having set backs, bad dreams, and thoughts going places I don't want to go I am going to name all the good things coming up (so maybe I wont hold back as much..)
Stunt group next season! I can't wait! (and I can't wait for sleepovers with the girls before competitions in the basement.)
My dad recieveing something he truly deserves, someone who makes him happy. = Happy daddy. =)
A new bedroom to color, and decorate.
A car to drive me here and there.
Hopefully center in the dance section in our rountine for next season, since I know I deserve it.
A happy ending to an amazing cheer season. Undefeated in Arizona! =)
Some pretty cool people to hang out with, my soon to be step siblings.
A bigger house.
A license.
Summer. And an amazing one it will be.
A job?.. possibly. Will see about that summer program first..
Time to work on my back hand spring. yes, yes, I really want that!
No summer school, like I thought I might have to do. = free summer.

Woo. That just made me feel better.

.. now back to my online class...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hope.




Some days when I get the chance to bring up adoption with those around me, I do.
There are so many people around me, that are pregnant or have had a baby.
That everyone I know, has know at least one other person than me.
All the teenagers at my school, or those who I have gone to school with either are parenting or have chosen to parent.
Many believe their only options are abortion or parenting.
I have heard stories about this person or that person purposely do things to end their pregnancy.
And oh how those stories hurt me, I feel for that child that was meant to be.
Many it's about them not about their child.
"I" couldn't do that
"I" can't ruin my body
"I" can't brake my heart
"I" could never live with that
but really those are not the things you should be saying or thinking.
For me it was all about my child, the little one growing inside of me.
Maybe it didn't always start out that way, but really in the end when it came down to choosing that's what it was about.
Mothers don't have to feel like adoption is not an answer, that they are "giving away their child" that this shows "they don't want their kid" or "they don't love their child"
But really it's out of selfless love, more love to their child than anything else, that birth parents are able to make this decision.
Many around me have the same false thoughts that many others in the world have.
Any maybe just by sharing my story, that someone can find hope, or at least feel differently about adoption.
Because I sure found hope through adoption.

Youth Team




Some days I wish I was these kids.
The 5 of the have the best time.
The don't worry about what place they get, or if the judges ripped them off because their coach argued something, that she knows is right because she actually wrote that rule.
They don't cry after a bad performance, or want to hide when they just bombed it.
They do youth team because it's fun.
They enjoy those hours they spend together, and the enjoy their routine.
All these kids are also on our senior team with me, but if you would ask if they had to choose one or the other hands down all would pick youth.
I don't blame them either.
Ahh how nice it would be to be under ten.
They win everybody's hearts especially the twins. =)
How could you blame anyone, they are adorable.
National Champions yet again!-03/15/09 (Video from a Desert Showdown 02/28/09)

My team did ok this weekend.
And got 3rd out of 5 teams.
It was a tough competition, and should have stepped it up.. but really I think we stepped down.
O'well.
Here's to next weekend.
And here's to being a kid.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Being a kid.

Being a kid.
This weekend was all about having fun, being a kid, and enjoying myself.
Yes this subject is still on my mind!
Whether it was playing tag with Bella and Claire.
Watching Brennan, Bella and Claire jumping on the couch in the basement.


Playing with Lily and lifting her way up in the air.





Taking pictures with my niece Rae.





Dancing on the floor before awards at my competition.





Having fun with my friend Will in Tucson picking out clothes for each other and trying them on, jumping on top of beds in sears, or piggy back rides that ended in spins in the middle of the isle in Sears.





Life is about having those special times, taking the chance, being silly, having fun, and loving every moment of it.
Living life to the fullest.
We all have parts of a kid in us.

Positives


Positive Accomplishments:

My Team is still undefeated. And we are once again most entertaining. (03-07-09 -> Jamfest in Tucson)

I ran 4 extra pacers in weight training then I did 2 months ago, on Friday.

My body fat is down 2.6%

I have lost 6 inches on my waist.

Life is good.

Celebrate it.

And enjoy it to the fullest!

(P.S. waiting to hear back on the Math and Science Honors Program this summer.. I am so hoping I get chosen.. curious what I am talking about?.. http://www.asu.edu/mshp/)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Sparkle


I can't remember the last time I really lived and enjoyed my life completely.
Sometimes I feel like a robot going back and forth accomplishing this only to move on to that.
Today I met up with a good old friend, and I really enjoyed myself.
I can't tell you what was different, why it was that amazing, but I really, truly enjoyed myself.
And although I have enjoyed myself, and had fun, maybe I just forgot how to be a kid, how to be silly.
Today I was a kid, today I loved every moment of my day and my friendship with a great friend.
Today I felt like this is what I have been yearning for.
I was able to see what I am really missing.
I need to live with that sparkle in my life, because I was born, born to shine.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Tumbling.


I have been looking at this mat for weeks, so angry and so upset.
I just haven't been able to tumble since I went back to cheer.
I can't figure out how to use all this muscle I have.
I was only a few practices away from having my back handspring, before I left cheer in the beginning of April, not sure if my path would bring me back to cheer.
I was so upset about cheer, about tumbling, about everything.
My coach said something to the effect of "you would have had your back hand spring"... the other night..
And how much that really killed me.
Those word have been echoing in my head, frustrating me.
I promised myself that when I came to the decision that Lily was going to be adopted that I would accomplish things, or at least try my hardest to.
Back handspring was sure on the list.
What is it about this mat that keeps holding me back?
Why can't I tumble?
I am sure having a hard time with this..

Stunting with Candy.

Candy Stunt Video
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Siblings.


Left to right, front to back. (youngest to oldest even!)
Row 1- Me, Katelyn
Row 2- Andy, Kristi, Ryan
Row 3- Daryl

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Story.


My story is not unheard.
My story is not forgotten.
My story isn't sad.
My story is well amazing.
My story is not quiet it is loud for all to hear.
Adoption is not sad, for it's the fear of it that is sad.
Birth mother's don't give up their children, they place them where they belong.
Birth mother's don't search for the easy way out, for it is of the heart that they are truly able to conquer many won't even dare.
They watch their hearts be torn, watch the emotions that tear them apart, only for the benefit of their child.
Adoption does not tear a family apart, it helps create one.
It's about making a wrong thing right, and in desperation to find the best possible life for their child birth mothers, and birth fathers, find it through adoption.
I could not ever imagine holding my child back for my benefit.
I love Lily with all my heart, and only through that was I able to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make.
Only through that was Lily given the chance to succeed without me holding her back.
Only through this will she know I loved her more than anything. I loved her more than I could ever dare try to explain.
(picture circa July 2008, 5 months)

Valentine's Day Competition

After frantically changing chunks of our routine to compete in level 3, we were showed that is was all worth it. The extra long practice, and the stress that drove us insane. We walked off that floor not only giving the best performance we had given this season, but having a feeling of accomplishment. Our coaches were proud, and we were proud! Getting 1st that day and receiving Grand Champions just added to the happiness. I am proud of my team to say that we really stepped it up.
Go VCD Senior Level 3! (for now at least, level 4.2 don't think we had disowned you yet..)

Monday, February 16, 2009

A year of change.


Last week marked the year of a beginning.
A creation of life.
Looking back over last year, I have seen much change.
Not just in myself, but in others.
I am grateful for the out come.
For Lily, Trevor, Brianne, Brennan, Bella, Claire.
For my family, and for those amazing friends.
I am grateful for this experience.
I am grateful for my life.
The life I have to live.
There is so much I want to do,
and I am ready to begin to make steps to get there.

Happy 3 months Lily.

Valentines Day.


For many years I believed I need a guy to hold my hand, to make me feel complete.
To make me feel special.
To make me feel loved.
In many reasons I was wrong.
This Valentines day my heart belonged to me.

At Westwood they have the traditional "love week"
And girls get hearts to wear around their necks,
the first boy you talk to gets to wear your heart proudly around their neck the rest of the day.
This year, I wore my heart.
I deserved to wear it, I earned it.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Norma.

http://www.fausetphotography.blogspot.com/
What an amazing woman.
An lovely couple.
And a gorgeous baby.
(There is one post plus one below a few)
Beautiful pictures.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Cami

Pushy.
Scared.
Optomistic.
Cheerful.
Loving.
Smiley.
Faithful.
Complicated.
Clingy.
Hopeful.
Strong.
Emotional.
Hurting.
Tease.
Caring.
Friendly.
Cami.

Home?




This is what I will be calling home in just a few short months.
Scary thoughts.
Now it is becoming more real.
My life is about to change in numerous ways.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Coming to Terms.

Many have asked lately how I feel about everything going on.
And if I said I was perfectly fine with everything, I would be lying.
But the more it is said, and I think about it I am more ok with it all.
It all takes time.
I can't tell you what will happen next, where I will be next year, or even next month.
I just want come to terms with everything, no matter what little thing it may be.
Things occur for many reasons.
Sometimes I just wish I could find the reasons earlier.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Cami style.

Some times I hint at things,
without really saying.
You all know what is occuring,
I suppose it's no secret.
My life is no secret,
for I open it up to others.
My thoughts for I have many,
are written almost daily.
I love, I live, and I enjoy life.
Curious about the almost never ending smile?
It's something to do with loving life.
There is always something amazing to come of something not so amazing.
Love yourself.
Love others.
And enjoy life.
I do it Cami style..
Big smiles, and lots of laughs!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's About Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGCxBmoAIAE

Monday, January 26, 2009

Times they are a-changin

Change is such a reality lately that it won't stay off my mind.
Whether it's the thought of Gilbert.
High School ending.
College.
Cheer.
Or anything else in my short future.
Am I ready to jump on the band wagon and accept my ever changing life, not so much.
Moving to a place with other children isn't my ideal future.
Moving in general isn't something I look forward to.
I always fight change.
And with every move comes my fights.
I rebel.
Not purposely, it just comes with the overwhelming amount of emotions.
Gilbert?
May 1st?.. way too soon.
What is awaiting me around the corner?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Change. Change. Change.


Change.
Yes, change is still on my mind.
In ways I miss being pregnant.
Because it's change that I no longer have that.
Change.
Everything is coming so quickly.
For now it's three months.
And soon it will just be here.
Change.
For this one choice will bring lots of change.


When I am confused, not ready for what's next.
I stop and think about how I have to extra to push to get me moving.
I think of sweet, sweet Lily.
How the last night she spent at my house she was cold.
I held her, and she laid on me, we fell asleep together that night.
and I woke up to that gorgeous little girl.
Having the ability to press forward.
One day, I want to be able to show her who I am.
The kind of person I am today.
For she was my little angel sent to rescue me.
She helped put my thoughts back in perspective.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Change?

Sometimes I question change,
wonder if I am ready for what comes next?
I am going to be able to push through
the next set of events?
Who knows, but my life is changing everywhere I go.
Whether its school, cheer, my father, my outlooks, my feelings, my life, and everything around me, things that effect me, everything is changing.
Am I fighting being older?
Possibly.
Am I fight change?
I could be.
But where I am going to go if all I do is fight it.
Accept it, embrace it, that is what i need to do.
Who knows what the next year and a half will hold..
But change is sure to come.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

2007-2008 Season

2 months?



Guess who is now 2 months old?
Miss Lily.

Amazing.
Time seems to fly by.
I love how she is so happy in these pictures.

It's just another reminder she is where she belongs.

A New Year

A new year, and new beginnings.
Where we go from here nobody knows.
But what we decide to do with what we are given, makes all the difference.

I could lay in my bed, cry, and say this is the end of the world.
Or I can except it for what it is.
I can work through my wanting to step back.
My wanting to say what's on my mind.
My trials.
My tears.
And so much more.
But the only way I can do that is by choosing to.
You must also choose to work through something if you want to over come it.

Big news to be shared soon.

Friday Debate

I have successfully made it through my first week of school.
Only a few tears shed.
And many smiles.

I think the moment that tested me the most was Friday Morning debate.
And the very many ill taught children in the world.
I couldn't argue my point, I could barely even talk.
For what they said was so low.
Maybe if they understood, maybe if they knew what I went through to get to this point.
Forgiveness for they do not know better.

Adoption- Is not a horrible thing.
It's a miraculous thing.
It's not the worst thing ever.
For me it was one of the best things in my life.

It's sad that so many don't understand.

Next time that subject comes up in debate maybe I'll be able to speak my mind.
Maybe I'll even tell about my experience.
Who knows.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Talk about me?

Tag.One Word Answers.
1. Where is your phone? here.
2. Where is your significant other? notta
3.Your hair color? brownish?
4. Your Mother? heaven
5. Your Father? amazing
6. Your favorite thing? cheer
7. Your dream last night? forgotten
8. Your dream/goal? better
9. The room you're in? daddy's
10. Your hobby? shopping
11. Your fear? many
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
13. Where were you last night? group
14. What you're not? tied
15. One of your wish-list items? love
16. Where you grew up? different
17. The last thing you ate? chinese
18. What are you wearing? jeans
19. Your TV? ok
20. Your pet? Stinky
21. Your computer? fast
22. Your mood? confused.
23. Missing someone? many
24. Your car? none
25. Something you're not wearing? spandex
26. Favorite store? depends.
27. Your Summer? warm
28. Love someone? manny
29. Your favorite color? Pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
32. Something you crave? friendship
33. Why you blog? endless

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

1st Day


My First Day of School.

Woke up ridiculously early. Feeling sick.
Went to school with a fever and a sore throat.
Took 2 hours some arguing, and a principal to get me registered.
Walked into the middle of second hour to find..

Mr. Wylie.

All in all it was a pretty good day except...
Some girls talking about me at lunch.
Rumors about "D"
My sickness.
And my math class. Which I pretty much wanted to cry in.

Luckily
I switch my math class.
And everything else is fine.

There is opposition in everything, you just have to focus on the good things.
I can't focus on the bad at school, because for the most part everything is well.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Thoughtfulness

So it's pretty apparent that I am nervous about school.
Maybe because frankly I don't know if I can handle it.
And I just don't know what to expect.

Along with all the encouragement, I have received this past week..
Today I received this..


And I opened to find..



Along with some very thoughtful cards.
Some special things I am very excited to have on my first day back at school.
In a lot of ways it feels like my very "first day" of school...
You know how you are all nervous.

But a very special family, put smiles on my face.
And although Monday will be a hard day.
Whether they realize it or not,
They just made it that much easier for me.
Thank you.
You have no idea how much that meant to me.