Cambria Leann

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Growing up

Little essay for school

Growing up

“You’re ready to go, I am going to call the doctor,” said my caring nurse. “She’ll be here in no time and if you have any questions feel free to ask,” was the kind words she spoke to me. As time was going by waiting for my doctor to arrive, my thoughts raced back to the events of the last year and what landed me in this position. I had gotten my life together, and making bad decisions wasn’t in my mind set. But poor choices landed me pregnant, alone, and with choices to make. But those thoughts didn’t interest me all too much. I was really interested in meeting my sweet angel, and spending time with her before she was placed for adoption.
The room is nineties themed, lights are dimmed, and spot lights ready to welcome the little angel in. The doctor walks in unprepared, uncertain this was the time, only to find it was sure time for her to come. After a quick change, the doctor walks in ready, dressed in green with booties. With my sisters on each side, we welcomed in to the world a little baby girl. “Congratulations you did it,” said the doctor.
They laid her in my arms, and my heart just melted. The scared, crying girl, with eyes of uncertainty stared straight into mine. “Baby, it’s going to be ok,” was all I could mutter out. I was also too full of uncertainty. But along with that uncertainty, I felt an overwhelming feeling of love towards this little girl, more than I would ever explain. I was full of warmth, and felt a glowing sensation. They cleaned her up, and my sisters held her, loving her, and discovering all the little things about her. She had a head full of black hair that stuck straight up. Her eyes were full of uncertainty, and were most likely going to be blue. I called Brianne and told her all about her. Brianne was to adopt this sweet little girl with her husband Trevor. They were amazing, and wanted to know how I was. They were so caring that night on the phone, and I invited them to visit me the next day. Armed the next day with their three other children they came to visit. They went out of their way and brought me gifts. I was so excited to see them, and it prepared me for the events of the next few days.
The next few days seemed to fly by. I held that little girl close and knew that these few days would be me as her mother. It was hard, knowing what was going to come. I was scared, uncertain, but still I had my eyes set on the prize. My friends visited her, met her, fell in love with her. My family enjoyed their time with her, loving every moment. That last night I held her close all night. She slept on chest, peacefully, which made what was about to occur so much easier.
The next afternoon, we drove up to the agency. I was nervous, scared, happy, and at a loss all at the same time. I was uncertain how it would be when I walked out, and I knew I would walk back to that car, and a car seat would be empty, but another full. I signed the papers, crying, and holding the sweet little angel. After walking her to her car, buckling her up, kissing her, and hugging Trevor and Brianne, it was time to leave. I walked to the car crying, got in and held my sisters hands. I knew this was right, I had the feeling of certainty, and knew all would be well. I had just done the hardest, best thing in my entire life.


Elise said...

Cami, you are such a strong and amazing girl. I love you so much :)

LDS Family Services Birth Parent Support Group said...

Did you really write that for school? I'm so glad you are sharing your story. I imagine your teacher can see birthmotherhood in a different light now! You are awesome!

mommd said...

Incredible, hardly enough of a word to describe you, but the first word that comes to mind. Not only a gifted writer, but a young women extraordinaire you are! Thank you for sharing.
love you,
Nana p.

Norma said...

This was wonderful to read! You are such an amazing young woman and I'm so glad I have been able to get to know you! I love you!

sambonez7 said...

Thank you for sharing!!

Anonymous said...

oh honey you are such a stong and amazing young women... I really really do admire you... What a proud little girl lilly will be when she is older and realizes how much you really love her.... To be selfless is a awesome quality to possess.. your amazing=)