Cambria Leann

Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Yearning To Be Free

How to you tell someone you know about your adoption experience?
I have found that when I choose to not tell someone off the bat, it gets harder and harder to tell them. Sometimes I feel like I am living a lie. That I am hiding a big part of who I am.

Deep down it's not that I am embaressed about it, but scared what their reaction will be. Will they say the wrong thing? Will they judge me because I made a mistake and got pregnant? Will they understand my choice? Will I forever be know as the girl who had a baby at fifteen?

I think sometimes we all have our secrets, things we can't find a way to tell someone. As time goes on it gets easier to not tell them; We rationalize it.

Sometimes I wish I saw myself in a better light. That I embraced every opportunity to tell someone about adoption, and how much it has blessed my life. For I just yearn to be free.


Amber said...

You just do it. Sometimes it seems like there really is never a good time to break the news, so you just have to do it. It can be really awkward, and it's scary because you won't know what that person's reaction will be. If it's someone who cares about you and has feelings for you then it will pretty much be fine. Anyone who isn't supportive of your decision obviously doesn't have a testimony of Christ's Atonement. If this is a guy that you are dating, end the end this is a person you do not want to be with, he will not make you happy. If this person can't see who you really are and can't let go of a mistake you made in the past then you should let them go, and probably pray for that person. You will get hurt again, and you’re heart will be broken probably more than once, but you are strong. You have been blessed with faith and strength to do what is right and to endure well. I don’t know you well, but I do know, you are a very special daughter of God and Heavenly Father is on your side. As more time passes by you’ll be able to feel out these situations a little better, and it becomes a little easier. Good luck! :-)

Amber said...

Oh and you won't forever be the girl who was pregnant at 15! It probably feels like that now, but people grow up and they forget. People move away and as you get older you'll have a totally different/separate social life then the one you have now. It gets better I promise! :-)There are great things in store for you, just keep moving along, you’ll find your way and amazing things will start happening right before your eyes. ;)

sambonez7 said...

Cami dear, High school is hard but it does end and then another chapter opens in your life.

When Elizabeth was about 4 she used to tell everyone that she met that she had two Mom’s and two Dad’s and tell them a little bit about her living arrangements. It was fresh for her, and it was huge in her life at the time. Now she tells who she wants and when she wants. Not because she is afraid of the judgment or what people think of her, but because she keeps the information for the people that love and support her. Or for people that she thinks that she can help with the informaion.

I tell you this because Lilly is still fresh to you and is huge in your life. The time will come when you cherish the memory that you get to share with those that love and cherish you as a wonderful person that indeed did make a mistake. But they understant that you had to pick up as many pieces of your life after that mistake and run hand in hand with your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ through the depths of hell and came out in one piece. KEEP RUNNING and when you get tired, they will carry you!!

You are a great person and you are becoming an absolutely powerful being in these last days. Most will falter, but your roots go deep and you will only sway!!

I love you Cami!!! I would do anything in my power for you!

birthmothertalks said...

This post really hit home with me, because I placed my daughter at 15 years of age and also had and still do have the same struggles. You could say that I never overcome the fear of telling people. It at times as felt like living a lie. When I first meet someone, I don't feel like they need to know, but then as I get close to them, I find myself wondering if I should tell them. The longer it goes the harder it is. I find that most people, even after, telling them just really don't want to talk about adoption.

Cluff Family said...


I know that you had a baby when you were 15 and I still think you are wonderful. If you tell someone and they treat you differently then it is their loss because you are amazing. Don't allow your fears of what others might think of you get you down. Think of it as a way to find out who your real friends are because people shouldn't care as much about where you have been as where you are going. You aren't the same person that you were when you were 15. You have grown and developed and you are beautiful inside and out.


Suz said...

Lou... Oh Cami Lou...
Your feelings are absolutely real. You are right about skeletons in our closet... WE all have them and sometimes spring cleaning those closets is most difficult. I don't have all the answers and I certainly don't know the answer to what you feel, but I know its only natural for you to think and feel the way you do. I know one thing for certain, life is a time to learn and prepare ourselves for something better. That learning curve is sometimes really steap. One of my favorites things that Nate says to me is, "ships don't sail on yesterdays wind". If you can hold on (and if that means being selective on who you share the experiences you've had then so be it) it will be worth it. I promise I promise!
I know that our Heavenly Father's love is perfect. He has more hope for us than we even have for ourselves! He is your biggest cheerleader. I believe as a mother we are given a glimpse into a fraction of that love for our own. I am certain that you loved Lily in that same way. Today is hard. Tomorrow might be equally as difficult. If you will consider the unconditional love of the Savior and our Heavenly Father for you it will lift you up. Amber is right... eventually you will find and associate with those that understand the atonement better than most of your peers do right now. Though your life may seem so old... you are just beginning. It will be good. I promise! I knew you when you were 15 and before. I loved you then. I saw a determination and soul within you that impressed me. I can't even describe how much hope I've placed on your table. When you were pregnant with Lily and then when you placed her and every choice leading up to and beyond these events, I still believed in you. I always will!
You have more to offer than you realize. You are a great person with smarts and personality that will only take you somewhere big! Believe in yourself...
Have spring break plans changed?