Sometimes I feel like the world expects me to be over the placement of my birth daughter.
That because I feel like it was/is the best for her, and I know it is right, that it should no longer hurt, that I should just be able to continue on with life like nothing ever occurred.
But this is NOT true.
It will always be apart of my life.
Some days is does hurt.
Some nights I cry.
Sometimes I just can't even make it through the day normally.
I have bad days, I have hard weeks.
And sometimes when it's really hard, the hard week may turn into a hard few weeks.
But it is just part of the process.
And that is okay.
Adoption is NOT an event, or milestone.
You can't just tackle it and get over it.
Instead it is a process, something continually part of your life, apart of who you are.
I never forget the events, the pain, the love, or her.
But most of the time, all of this doesn't consume all of my thoughts.
But when it does consume the majority of my thoughts, I am reminded that I don't ever want to just forget it all.
The the events, the pain, the love, the friendships, and the miracle of her alone, are all apart of who I am.
They have also made me to who I am today.
For that I am grateful.
I am very blessed.
Adoption will always be a huge part of my life.
Somethings like this will never change.
(Picture taken National Adoption Day, November 15, 2008. Placement Day)
14 comments:
Love you Cami! You are so right. I'm sure there are many different parts of the process, just like a mountain hike. Some parts you can walk, but then you might hit a short part where you are climbing straight up, only walk again, until you have to crawl through bush and get all scratched up... Difference is that your hike doesn't end, it just gets easier. Maybe that was a cheesy comparison, but I think you are amazing for the way you've taken care of yourself so far.
hey my friend just adopted a sweet little girl... here is her blog
http://markandjens.blogspot.com/
Cami, this is so beautiful and so honest and real! I love you. Thank you for sharing this with us all!
Cami you never cease to amaze me. You have such wisdom and maturity for your age. You should post this on our adoptin blog if you haven't already.
Love this post. So beautiful and true!
Cami ~ so beautiful! ♥ Nicole
i nominated you for an award at
divorcedand20.blogspot.com
Oh Cami...you amaze me!
Oh my gosh you are beautiful. Thank you for commenting on my blog so I could discover yours:) What a big decision you made. I am so touched by you and your story.
Kay this is gonna sound ultra creepy and stalkerish...but I found your blog a while ago and been reading it and I think you're amaaazing! But anyways, I saw you at the Valley of the Sun Competition today and I was trippin the every time I saw you! Haha. I was thiiiis close to coming up to you, but I chickened out because I thought that would be weird for a random girl to come up to you and say she has been stalking your blog...yeah, awkward... :)
P.S. You guys did a great job today!
Lauren,
You should have come up and said hi. I would have loved that. Maybe I'll see you at a competition or something soon, in which case you should say hi.
And thank you for commenting. :)
And the next thing I have to say is this... LILY will always be thankful for you. Your connection to her did not end with adoption... because you were her vehicle to gain an earthly body. So I would dare say that you have an eternal connection to not only LIly, but to the family whom you place her with... and you can be so grateful that you did and that she will enjoy the sealing blessings of her parents. Hard... YES! The harder the trial the bigger the blessing.
Hi, I am new to your blog. I found this post to be beautiful and I just love, love, love the picture. Thank you for sharing your story and feelings so openly.
Dana
http://lifeunexpected-adoptionjourney.blogspot.com/
i totally remember you from westwood! this is such a beautiful post, and you're such a beautiful woman! <3
brittanylewwhoo.blogspot.com
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