Cambria Leann

Friday, August 26, 2011

Sometimes it just hurts.

Sometimes I wish I was good enough.
Good enough to be respected, good enough to be praised, good enough to feel like someone always has my back, good enough to feel like who I am, what I offer, and my life is good enough.
But often times I feel like who am I, what I offer, my life, my choices, everything about me, is never  GOOD enough.
I can never be good enough for some people in my life.
I can never be offered any thing.
I am often expected to do it myself, or on my own, when I watch others be handed everything, or when I see others who are at least offered help.
However, when I ask for help, I am denied. I am treated like what I just asked for was a horrible thing.
It bothers me to live my life like this.
I want positive in my life, but so often I am only given negative.
It hurts.

It hurts to be told that I need to move on with my life.
It hurts to be told that I am supposedly stuck in the same spot as I was 3 years ago.
It hurts be told I need to quit the one activity I love.
It hurts to not even have my dad bother to show up to a cheer competition.
It hurts to not be understood.
It hurts to be struggling, and nobody notice, nobody care.
It hurts for someone to tell you how amazing you are, only then act like you don't exist.
It hurts to watch my best friend leave to college, and wish that there was some way to make him stay.
It hurts not to feel loved, by those who should love me unconditionally.
It hurts to not be supported, by those who should support me nonstop.
It hurts to miss the one person I love so much.
Sometimes it just hurts.


birthmothertalks said...

I know it hurts and it stinks! I been through a lot of things and had a lot of conversations about adoption and how people just don't get it. I don't know what else to say but I do understand what your going thru.

kristinanne said...


Familia Fowler said...

Oh Cami, I am sorry. I know that life often sucks but the strength that you already have is more than most. Years from now when you are even stronger you can look back on today and know that you can do it.

Ally said...

I love you Cami! Stay strong girl! It'll get better soon!