Tumbling.

I have been looking at this mat for weeks, so angry and so upset.
I just haven't been able to tumble since I went back to cheer.
I can't figure out how to use all this muscle I have.
I was only a few practices away from having my back handspring, before I left cheer in the beginning of April, not sure if my path would bring me back to cheer.
I was so upset about cheer, about tumbling, about everything.
My coach said something to the effect of "you would have had your back hand spring"... the other night..
And how much that really killed me.
Those word have been echoing in my head, frustrating me.
I promised myself that when I came to the decision that Lily was going to be adopted that I would accomplish things, or at least try my hardest to.
Back handspring was sure on the list.
What is it about this mat that keeps holding me back?
Why can't I tumble?
I am sure having a hard time with this..