Cambria Leann

Monday, December 15, 2008

A year ago (yesterday)

A year ago yesterday is when it all began.
Those are happy distance memories though.
The most recent ones, those are the painful ones, the ones that aren't so distant
It's weird how things change over time
And after a certain point things can either fall apart or become amazing.
You have to choose.
I am not saying my choices then were the greatest, but some how it was everything I needed.
I need the beginning, the end, and all those times I was alone.
I needed the temporary happiness, to show me what is real.
I needed the love that isn't unconditional.
I needed him to walk away, so I could make the right choice.
I needed him to leave, so I could start being who I really am.
In a lot of ways I lost myself, somewhere between the "will you go out with me" and the "i can't do this anymore"
I get angry sometimes, the angry where all I want to do is go scream and bawl my eyes out. I want to say what's on my mind.
But I don't, I know I am better than that.
I then stop and think how grateful I am that everything turned out this way.
And then I know that this struggle wasn't for us, it was for me.
Because I was ready for it, and it was my turn to grow.
For others including him, their struggles will come at a time when they needed them.
Our struggles are made just for us, just for what we can handle.
Would you ever ask to trade trials with someone else?
-I sure wouldn't


Suz said...

Aren't you blessed to be able to see the lesson in trial?! Seiously... there are some that hum ha around for years believing they are being punished rather than learning from it. I'm so happy that you have taken the time to recognize your surroundings... your trial... your growth... and that Heavenly Father does know and love you. It is amazing to look back on something that you thought you might not make it through and realize the necessity of personal growth. I think you are amazing.... well beyond your years... and you have so much going for you. Work hard. THis world is a nutty place. You have the potential and all the necessary tools to be one who makes it out of here better.

Katarina said...

Everyone always asks if I could go back and change and never of had Mara, and you know what I wouldnt. Every trial was worth it.

Your such an amazing writer! I never would believe your so young!